Our world came crashing down when our precious first baby, Emilia Grace, reached 28 weeks of gestation. One evening, an erratic pattern of very strong kicks were felt after dinner. My husband and I thought our baby was just hyper from the soda I had vs. just getting bigger and stronger. At that time, Emilia did not have a specific time or pattern for kicking. She would only kick mostly at night when I went to sleep; otherwise, her kicks were very random and scattered. The following day, after my return home from work, I was wondering why she was quiet when I went to sleep. I figured may be she was sleeping too. By the next morning, as I was driving to work, I was hoping to feel a nudge here or there, but got nothing. I became alarmed and was fixated on her. I called my doctor who thought it was likely nothing, and advised me to drink orange juice, which I had already done with no luck. I was in his office a couple of hours later, upon ultrasound examination, I noticed something very different. My little baby girl, who was always jumping around like a monkey, was very still. My heart started to race and a lump welled in my throat. As he attempted to listen to her heartbeat, there was complete eerie silence in the room and the tears began to flow down my cheeks. I knew something was very wrong. I held my breath, hoping that the picture and sound were affected by my breathing, but to no avail, no movement and no heartbeat heard upon a second attempt. He said, "I am sorry, the baby is gone". I broke out in tears, became hysterical as his words rang in my ear yet I could not fathom what he was saying. I was in complete shock and could not comprehend what was going on or why. Everything had been normal, maternal/fetal tests were negative for abnormalities, and pregnancy was smooth, without any complications.
Upon the induction and birth of our little angel, it was discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice and her right leg was also entangled in it. We thought that was the reason for her demise, as we were lead to believe upon her birth. The placental pathology, inclusive of umbilical cord and fetal membranes, was completely normal. We were never offered an autopsy or educated on the possibility that her loss may have been due to something else, hence, we did not inquire about it, neither were we in a state of mind to even think to ask. From our perspective, it was obvious why we lost our baby, or so it seemed. Our doctor informed us that in the absence of all other abnormalities, it is most likely due to umbilical cord compression. However, upon our own research on umbilical cord accidents weeks later, we discovered that it is actually a very rare occurrence, and that other causes should be identified.
Hindsight is 20/20, but not helpful in prevention. Our doctor never told us about kick counting or monitoring for other abnormalities indicative of potential fetal demise. Did he assume I knew because I'm an adult acute care nurse practitioner? We wonder until this day if the outcome could have been different had we been enlightened. Would we be celebrating one of her birthdays today had we gone to the hospital Monday night, even just as a precautionary measure, when that unusual kicking pattern was noticed? We wrestled with many questions, the "should've, could've, and why". None of these questions could be answered. Who knows, perhaps our best efforts at an early intervention would not have changed the outcome, but the difference is, we could have said "at least we tried", instead of feeling like we sat on a ticking time bomb and watched our baby slip away. despite it's rarity, perhaps it was truly the nuchal cord that caused her demise, perhaps her entangled put just enough tension to compress the vessels. The thoughts and possibilities I wrestle with are endless.
This website was created in honor of our baby, daughter, angel and princess, Emilia Grace, who was born May 16, 2015 and will continue to live in our hearts and minds forever. It was launched on her first birthday.